nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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