i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
