Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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