Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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