OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
