you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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