someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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