We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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