He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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