i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
