Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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