any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
