Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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