can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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