new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
