Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
