dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
