Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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