We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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