I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
