my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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