Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
