She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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