um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My bed smells like the plague
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize