I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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