he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
