I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
