walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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