I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
