12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
