Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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