You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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