i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
