I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
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I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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