You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize