next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
