At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
