I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
