Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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