Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
