I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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