and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
