Got a toothbrush?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
