I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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