never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
