Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
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We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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