can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
