Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
