Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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