I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
