You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
