I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This toilet bowl is my home.
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