Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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