ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
