i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
