WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize