It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
