Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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