Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
