I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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