Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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