i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
