Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
